For Vikings in NYC

Bar None is where we watch (2nd avenue btwn 12th & 13th st)

Sundays at 1:00, sometimes at 4:15, and Monday nights if we're lucky. Every Fan is welcome! Come join our group in support of the greatest North American team since the 1000's

Monday, February 25, 2008

Oh Alas Mr. Mckinnie

Why, Why, Why

You are so much larger than most human beings, and yet, you need to prove your strength by fighting at a club, being asked to leave, going to a strip club, leaving the strip club and then returning to the earlier club to continue your initial fight, then drunkenly resisting arrest...

Overpaid Children.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Enigma that is NFL Logic

pic courtesy of the Star Tribune

So, the Vikings have decided to entertain trade proposals for Troy Willamson...yes...this would imply that teams are interested in proposing a human and/or perhaps the draft rights to a human for a human that lacks two of the most necessary features of the body.

At first thought, i figured this was just a generous way of telling Troy that he would surely be cut soon enough, and if he cared to use some of that signing bonus on an agent to shop him around, he could do so in the mean time. BUT WAIT. It seems that there actually is interest...and a lot of it...The Star reported that there are currently 8 teams excited to inquire about Troy's availability. 8! 8 football teams!!! 1/4 of the league covets this man!!!

I have heard some talk recently about how he could be utilized more effectively in a spread, 3 wide set, as the slot receiver, allowing him to use his speed (i.e. catch short slants and run, so he doesn't have to catch over his shoulder or any of that normal NFL receiver type stuff)...but I wish to refute that with the simple thought that there are many, many athletes who run track. These athletes have world class straight line speed and agility. These athletes also do not play football. This could be because they fear contact and would rather not partake in it (Troy Williamson), or they do not react well to contact (Troy Williamson), or that their speed is most effective without barriers (Troy Williamson), especially moving ones (Troy Williamson), or perhaps they understand that they don't have what it takes to catch moving objects while running (yes, him). The point is, why would any team want to take on such a contract for a 4.28 40 that is fearful of contact and can't catch? This makes him useless in returning situations even more so than at receiver. It has been said that track star Maurice Green would have clocked in between 4.00 and 4.14 seconds in an NFL combine style 40 yard dash, so why don't we ask him to play football? Oh, that's right, because he's not a football player (he's also like 56, but ya feel me on the comparison).

Now, for the sake of the teams who care to incorporate you into their system, I will speak to Troy directly, in hopes that he will hang up the cleats in favor of more economically sound choices for these organizations


There are requirements to playing certain positions at an NFL level. When I watched Calvin Johnson a lot this year, it seemed at times that his head wasn't in the games, or he was a little shy on his routes, but that can be fixed. When you begin to assess a rookie on the field, his potential isn't confined to the statistics of the combine. Field speed, awareness, and tenacity come into the scope...When I watch you Troy, I watch you fear the middle of the field, run too close to the sideline on deep routes, run out of bounds for no reason and illegally return to the field to catch the ball, drop hooks, slants, streaks, posts, and the list goes on. You return kickoffs as if someone is going to tackle you!!!

I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and I wanted this to be your season. You had worked hard in Nike vision camp, and told me that you would prove your doubters wrong. Then you did not. Then you had overly long concussion after-effects. Then you whined about your game-check. Then, in the final game you had to prove yourself, you dropped two crucial, perfectly thrown passes...

You have never been shy on entitlement in your illustrious Viking career, but this one truly takes the cake.

"I believe a team will see that [I'm available] and jump on it." - Troy Williamson

Please get your attitude and deplorable skill set off of this team

Monday, February 18, 2008

my apologies - a look towards the future.

I have been recently absent from the blogosphere in an attempt to get my life and schoolwork in order (excessive drinking) - i don't understand how to use strikethroughs yet but once i do my humor will perhaps reach dynamic news.

I understand that it's the off-season, and since there is not much to cover for us before free agency starts, my posts will most likely be infrequent. When the draft talk gets going, and perhaps we make some notable signings and/or trades, hopefully i can get the boys from the bar to contribute alongside me, and we can really get this thing rolling.

I want you all to know that I am almost frighteningly interested in this team, and want to offer any Vikings fan around the world to join with us for the upcoming season, one which, despite many pessimists, is filled to the brim with opportunity. We have such great support in downtown New York, and we come out to watch every week. The atmosphere is great, and once that really gets going, we are going to channel it to you through this site as best as possible

IF ANY VIKINGS FAN HAPPENS TO BE SPENDING SOME TIME IN NEW YORK ONCE THE SEASON GETS GOING, COME TO WATCH WITH US! You will be welcomed with open arms as I was, and I can't tell you how great a time you will have.

That said, follow and learn about this team. There's so much more than Adrian (well, i should say that there are many mortals that are also worth paying attention to) on the Vikes. We have such a diverse fan base from all over the world, and I see them all over the city, and just like any true sports fan, they are truly dedicated.

Anyways, this is more of a rant, but at least it's passionate. I want to look forward rather than meddle in recent mediocrity. We, the Vikings, really do have something here, and if anything, the Giants showed us what can be done with a team that the media and its own fan base is hard on. This is a top caliber unit, and I truly think that all we need is one splash this off-season to start the wave to Tampa.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Michael Crabtree

Future #1 Pick of 2009(?) - which means there is no way the Vikings will be in any position to draft him (as we plan on winning the next two superbowls), but for all viewing purposes, he is the AP of WR's. This kid was a true freshman last year, and it's a real shame he didn't go to one of the majors just to grace our televisions weekly. Watch...there is really no need for further explanation

SuperBowl Reflections

So i've had about two days and a parade viewing to let all that goodness stew in the ol' mind pot, and here are my condensed thoughts after that half mindless live blogging fiasco.

An unbelievable 3 quarters of Giants defense + an unbelievable final quarter of Giants offense = a GIANT victory.

First, the Defense.
As i discussed a few weeks ago, the Giants' secondary has thrived this season off of the defensive front's ability to get pressure on the quarterback. That being said, the front played an absolutely unbelievable game, manhandling the O-line on nearly every play. But even more startling was the ability of Giant defensive backs to contain in their coverage on the outside, regardless of the pressure. There were 3 plays i can recall where pressure didn't come for about 5 seconds, and sometimes 4 or 5 wide were running patterns, but Brady STILL couldn't find any receivers. Aside from the nearly indefensible Welker, Pat receivers were really held in check. Moss had a couple of big catches, but Webster did more than his fair share, often in single coverage, to bump moss of his routes, and played generally out-of-body man coverage.
The key difference defensively between the Pats and Giants is the age and speed of their respective linebacker cores, and boy did that show. Kavika Mitchell is real, real, real fast. The quality of Pierce's intelligence, natural ability, and work ethic has never been questioned (although perhaps on that pass interference penalty), and Reggie Torbor's 72 Madden rating will most likely be the same next year, but who really was paying attention. In summary, these men were all over the field, disguising blitzes, and really benefiting from the front 4 pass rush in short coverage drop-backs.
Nothing to be said here that wasn't brutally apparent if you were at least a block away from your television. 19 knockdowns? I think that the next "Tuck rule" the NFL looks at concerning Brady should have to do with checking #91's limbs for metallic properties.

Now, the Offense (as a whole)
Eli "Unstoppable" Manning, living up to that watch commercial i have been making fun of him for daily - i will be making fun NO MORE. That last drive rivals any of the best superbowl/common nfl season last drive ever. Eli to Tyree? 'nuf said. Eli to Steve Smith? 'nuf said. Eli to Plax? 'nuf said. They sustained drives for a good portion of the game, and scored when they needed to. Aside from some obvious miscues throughout the game, the offense executed beautifully when necessary, and aside from some errant throws, Eli showed Elway like 2 minutes drill prowess.

Quick (Additional) Shout Outs

Steve Smith - you played 4 years at SC, Jarrett played 3...where are they now? I'll tell you where Steve Smith is, he's getting 4 more yards after the catch on the sideline for the crucial first down. Dwayne Jarrett is wishing the Panthers hadn't cut Key so he could have learned how to become an NFL ready player.
Justin Tuck - Wishing he could renegotiate that 5 year 30 mil contract into a more A-rod like deal.
Eli Manning - boy have I hated on you for the greater portion of your stay in the nfl...I now offer the white flag.

Belichick - Sucker old man. You are the personification of evil, and you lost, not to mention being up 4 points and going for it on 4th and 13 (instead of trying to go up by 7...and then having to watch Tom throw to the back of the endzone to 5'10" gaffney in double coverage). As a corollary, cheaters never at least crack perfection.

Also, under-addressed by the media following the game, WHY WHY WHY are you single covering Plaxico "i catch touchdowns over midgets when deemed necessary" Burress with Ellis "i make up for my size with speed and shiftiness, but no, of course i can't go up for a jump ball" Hobbs...for all of your genius Bill, that was a blunder, plain and simple. That was absolutely disgusting.

Tom Brady - Better check Gisele's text message log. I wouldn't be surprised to see big E all over that by now.
Randy Moss - come back to the Vikings?
Junior, Teddy, Mike, Adalius, Rodney... - get off the juice, it's bad for you and NOT allowed

Wes - you deserve better, and are an absolutely amazing talent.

Final Take.
The Giants won this game with speed and magnificent heart. Way to leave it all on the field boys...still can't beat us in the meadowlands though YOU CLOWNS

Sunday, February 3, 2008

SuperBowl LIVE

"He who is a Knight of Faith Cannot Divulge that Fact to Another" - Soren Kierkegaard

Regardless of the evils that are participating, superbowl is superbowl. Let's play.

Giants win the toss (obviously as feagles called tails, and tails NEVER fails - except when jerome bettis makes the call and the ref doesn't hear it)

Teddy Bruschi interview (I came back from a stroke in less than a year...and i don't take steroids...i swear...i'm 47 years old and i recovered from a stroke enough to play nfl football in a few months and i have never taken steroids nor do i today)

Buck - Finally, football

KICKOFF (not hester, not interested)

I'm surprised Ache-man can remember participating in superbowls with all of those CONCUSSIONS TO HIS HEAD

EEEEEELLLLLIIIIIII, with a beauty over the middle (confirmed by Joe Buck, which is really all the confirmation you need)

Stevie in coverage, of former USC glory, with another strike from good for mini Peyton

The only thing that saves that audi commercial is the superior quality of the vehicle - that marketing team should be offered to the fire breathing man from the former

(1032) - great blocks up front on the 7 yard run from jacobs

completely unnecessary on-field commentary from some lady

Giants offense looks great, which isn't a surprise as the Patriots only weakness has been the opponents ability to pound the shit out of the 40+ linebacking core

ELI looking like Tom Brady, avoiding the heat and tossing a bullet to that other steve smith (Buck - "has a great feel for knowing where the holes are" NO HOMO)

Good idea with the pass to Burress, and a pretty solid pass, but hobbs 5'9" was far superior to Burress at 7'5"

STEVE SMITH MEET RODNEY (i took steroids and it didn't affect my personality or anything) HARRISON

Tynes of former 2 weeks ago folly and glory with the 32 yarder - not gonna do it today.

Called the Diet Pepsi Max commercial when it started - SOLID use of celebrities and average joes to create a phenomenal commercial

"I'M GONNA GO PUT MY CHEESE IN THE KITCHEN" - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - cheers to you!

Under armour, kindof need it, kindof need to protect my house, really wish i was more athletic

AND THE SHOW BEGINS...perhaps not, great pass rush...

Great call on the run. I predict Maroney, of former Golden Gopher glory, will have a big game

Welker runs amazing routs, and that fact can never be overstated

The fixture of the patriot offense, heath evans, STORMS for 2 yards.

Brady just threw an amazing pass, and Ben Watson...dropped it, which he does often, and people seem to neglect it because of his new age TE build...i am not neglecting it - he troy williamsons (a term that i have actually submitted to the people over at Webster dictionary) far more than you would expect after listening to all the rave reviews

Defensive captain Antonio Pierce forgot that when the quarterback throws a pass, not only is there an intended receiver, but there's a ball that flies through the air towards the receiver and it must be accounted for

Bridgestone, offering humor in an advertisement!

I have just put away my Doritos in protest of that last commercial, and am currently cancelling my itunes account to reinvigorate the buy-direct music market...thank yous to all involved parties, especially that no-name mediocre acoustic lady

Touchdown Patriots...something gives me the feeling that I will be writing that a lot today...

Derek Jeter offering words of poignant wisdom has had commercials every year since it became a site, and they have always been awful - use

"OH MY GOODNESS, it's a t-shirt sweatshirt!!!" - Sarah Nguyen

buck - "she's here with the some flowers last week..." - nothing better than that? You don't have anything better to say than that after you sit a whole commercial break knowing the camera is going to cue on her when the entirety of America tunes back in? Shameful - but thats his M.O.

Toomer with the offensive pass interference that would have been called on Moss 9 out of 10 times...

Coughlin looks bewildered, Peyton is audible-ing from the box, love it.

Eli, rough interception - threw it a bit too quickly, but fairly unlucky on the bounce - i said before the game that if Eli throws picks, a loss is inevitable - it will be interesting to see how he rebounds from this (perhaps it will be a bit like 11/25/07)

I HATE when the Patriots run the ball on third down - i don't care how short the distance is, Brady covers both local and long distance with a flat rate

Fumble - that's two turnovers...wait, how on earth did Pierre Woods not recover that ball...and why is Ahmad Bradshaw talking shit to Richard Seymour...but a punt nonetheless

Welker bringing back the 2nd grade backyard birthday party when everyone used to get along and your mom and dad pretended like the divorce didn't effect their opinions of one another slip-n-slide look, awesome, startling, but awesome

There was so much wrong with that don't do drugs commercial - but i will only point to the idea of returning children to the local street dealer instead of going in your medicine cabinet

The Giant's pass rush is OH SO SERIOUS I I I'M SO SO SUURIOOUSSS

BUFFALO WING BREAK - back, perhaps, by halftime...but i will not rush culinary enjoyment for much...

Back for all you non-believes

Randy Moss clearly caught that pass in bounds, but the ref's attempt to allow the Patriots to score was foiled by JUSTIN TUCK arrrghhhhhhhhhh - 5 years and 30 million dollars later, but a Google-like return on the investment

Why would i want to listen to Tom Petty right now? Why would people run across the field like wild buffalo, risking life and limb to get to a stage manned by such a musician?

"No one to blame but Janet Jackson" - Sarah Nguyen, of former Saratoga High Falcons glory

Vishnu of current blogging glory is really into this Tom Petty - "wammy bar, wammy bar, wammmmmmmmyyyyy baaaarrrrrrrrrrr" - if you don't get that joke fuck you

what? oh the show is over? no? ....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... what? Is Tom Petty done playing yet? no? ....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

and we're back!!!

2ND HALF (7-3 Patriots)

Kevin looking like his brother in law Marshall...Then a completion to W Twice...I think at this point Randy Moss is just about to stop running his routes...

The Patriots answer to these blitz packages (as discussed by Jimmy Johnson, well done) came up a little short (PUN INTENDED)


Shaquille (I haven't made enough money in my career) O'neal, most famously known for his supporting role along side Nick Nolte in Blue Chips, has resorted to making a commercial of such quality on the downside (end) of his career...

I don't know about you guys, but i'm pretty sure that every marketable demographic has forgotten about Carmen Elektra...

Bridgestone, what can I say, you hit and you miss (current tally: 1 for 2)

Absolutely brilliant challenge by Belichick - INFAMOUSLY coined in week 16 by Joe Gibbs against an invigorated Vikings team on its way to solidifying a place in the playoffs.
Chase BlackBurn-ed the Giants on that

Aaron Ross is the best rookie corner i've seen in a while, and i sure hope he gets his due. This kid is as smart, hard hitting, and fearless as any young'n in the league. Just take a look at the week 17 game against the Pats, where he came out of the game with a bruised right shoulder, came back in two series later, and on the first play dodged the blocker to knock down Gaffney on the receiver screen with that same shoulder...then came out again, and played a great game the next week.

Ok, i'm done with that...but what on earth did the Patriots do that for? 4th and 13, and you choose to go for it? That in itself is bad, but then you throw the ball to your 5th best receiver in double coverage in the back of the endzone...I guess that's when you wish your offensive coordinator wasn't 16 - and for good measure, God smited you by striking down your best offensive threat Faulk
Thank you Joe for agreeing with my sentiment
Thank you Troy for illustrating the Lord's work with the replay

Generous spot from the kind sirs donning zebra patterned attire

GREAT on the ball defense by Samuel - if they don't re-sign him, the Patriot philosophy of cheap acquisitions will have failed once and for all

My name is Jeff, Jeff Feaaaaggglleeeessss, I drive a Buick, a Buick Reeeeeegggggaaaalllll


E-Trade - i have no words - bravo to the human who pitched that

"I'll see Jumper with you" - Sarah Nguyen of current NYU Stern school of business double major (accounting AND marketing) violet/bobcat glory

AARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH Kavika Mitchell (who?!), Kavika Mitchell!!! (oh)

Hi, i'm Tom Brady, you may know me from such things as 16 yard completions when i have just been attacked at the goal line on the previous play...

Pam Oliver - wise words on potassium, cures to cramps, bananas, comfortability statistics as they relate to weather reports

"here are some of the bananas, trying to stay hydrated" - WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN TROY AIKMAN?

Ross (thanks) can't do everything i guess - Welker proves his manhood one crossing route at a time

Matt I cannot make Light of the penalty you have just get paid to make light work of the defensive front, and protect the guiding light that got you to where you are today...and this is how you do this?

In order for celebrity endorsements to be successful, they must be believable. Thankfully, Derek Jeter (@ 18 mil a year) has decided to advertise the Ford Edge to me...

As a sidenote, i wouldn't mind having a newsreal of every comment made by the "professionals" as to the invalidity (absurdity!!!) of Plaxico's prediction as to how many points the Patriots would score...

"How did sunsilk manage to score a superbowl commercial" - Sarah Nguyen, of future CPA at a choice of fortune 500 companies glory

Jeremey Shockey (EHEM KEVIN BOSS)...Eli has had a couple of great pump fakes. The success that the Giants have had without Shockey speaks to how TE's are often overpaid based on physical attributes, and HANDS are too often ignored in assessment.

Ahmad Bradshaw IS ON THE LOOSE...come back rook, there is football to be played here...

Steve Smith (who on earth is Dwayne Jarrett?) playing some solid football.

AND THE GIANTS TAKE THE LEEADDDDDDDDDDD...that play-action fooled me, as i was very close to scolding Ahmad for taking to long to read the D at the line of scrimmage...

"Seats 8 crazies...(whispering) but how many humansss?" - Sarah Nguyen, of former St. Andrews Episcopal Elementary Saints glory

How long do you advertise Sarah Connor Chronicles before throwing in the towel?

And the comeback begins...Randy Moss has deemed it a necessary time to return to the superbowl game...

Look at that symmetry with the week 17 comparison - i applaud those in the booth

"offensive line vs. defensive line is always just whites versus blacks"
"except when its patrick kerney on leonard davis"
"...on an inside stunt"

The baby is back with his take on what to do with your profits


Gatorade...firing that group of people who made your commercials legendary, most likely based on conflicting egos, was probably not the best decision for your brand success

ESCAPABILITY AND ----------- NOTHING!!!! Jesus Eli what the fuck was that
"I'm not sure he doesn't score if he catches that ball" - Troy Ache-man - took good ol' Troy a while (3 teleision replays) to come up with that brilliant analysis its ongoing pursuit to appeal to a mature, upper-middle class, stylish consumer gotta give them credit for disregarding consistent failure in the attempt to achieve their initial goal

J Twice (John Johnson) is looking especially old with the arrival of HD

Pats are matriculating the ball down the field
This just in!!! Matriculating means enrolling in a college or university

If Wes Welker (who just set the superbowl record for receptions) is not the MVP when the Patriots pull this one out, then you know, i just don't know who is. And i'll be sad about it, i'm not gonna lie. It will be a sad thing for me if Goodell does not bequeath said honor on said pass catcher. Often players of his calbur are overshadowed by the Moss's of the world, but not today my friends...not today - hopefully. What i'm saying is that i hope that today it doesn't happen like that, but it still might, which would be a travesty.

So, a fake hand off, a pump fake, an open Randy Moss, and....SQUAT.

James Butler, not to be confused with a player of any talent whatsoever, is currently injured

3rd and goal baby, this is where it all happens...
TOUCHDOWN RANDY MOSS (often confused with freckly, undrafted NBA journeyman center Keith Closs, of similar sounding name)

"these two hooked up a record 23 times in the season" NO HOMO

"Hixon with the return, he had a touchdown return earlier in the seas---ohhhhhh!!!" - Joe Buck



Well timed and executed Victoria Secret commercial

Ben Roth-less-berger...get back on your motorcycle and drive it directly into a brick wall

The referee seems to be arbitrarily picking up and placing the ball on the field for no real reason. No big deal it's not the biggest game of the year (ever) or anything


It's a shame that i just learned Mike Carey's name after years of referring to him as "the black ref" when praisng his abilities.

Aikman coming through with the spelling-bee-like-usage of "Demonstrative" - in context I couldnt agree more...

Did anyone see what just happened on the television? I hope you did. Actually I hope your girlfriend asked you to get her a rasberry flavored smirnoff ice from the kitchen.

Steve Smith, 4 year college player, making 4 year college-like plays



And to think i was close to writing "Plaxico Shmlaxico"

Ok, now i'm ready to disect that play a little bit. For as great as the Pats coaching staff has been all year, how on earth are you going to single cover Plaxico with Ellis Hobbs on first and goal?

Congrats on just blowing the greatest season in football history, you stupid fucking Patriots

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ROOKIE (followed by "rookie" - joe buck) JAY ALFORD

Randy Moss just dropped one of the best passes I have ever seen, and with that, the 2007-2008 New England Patriots have just dropped the ball on the best season in football history.


It's over. The New York Football Giants have just beaten the New England We Can't Close the Deal Patriots to win superbowl 42.

I'm going to go enjoy the post-game, goodnight folks.